It Must Take More Muscles to Smile Than it Used to

OK, as a rule, I try and leave police beat alone, it's just too easy.  However, it is a reliable source to go to when I haven't posted something for our amusement in a while.  I'm not sure where to start here.  My first thought is the photo was distorted, but it seems to be clear.  Then I read what he was charged with, and I still have Mountain Dew dripping out of my nose.  He was trying to hook up with some poor child via the internet, but it was a sting operation.  First of all, what, not who, would have sexual relations with this gent?  I mean, really, if anything says lock up the sheep, it's this fella's mug shot. It wouldn't matter what day it was, if I opened my front door to this guy, I'm betting the house the first thing out of his mouth is "trick or treat!"  If the "Leaning Tower of Pisa" was a Halloween mask, this guy is wearing it, am I right?  And finally, this guy can work a computer?  Really? 

Did You Hear the Bullet Go By?

There's a story going around right now about some guy that dumped his dentist girlfriend, but made an appointment with her the next week when he had a toothache.  She gassed him up and knocked him out, then removed all of his teeth.  Yep, ALL of his teeth.  He's a dumbass, she's crazy.  Can I get a "Hallelujah!" that these two didn't procreate?  If they had hooked up, we all take the bullet, because when stupid knocks up psycho, Damien and Chucky come bearing gifts.  I would've let the guy tell you this story himself, but he's still kind of hard to understand.  And, as for her, she used her one phone call on somebody else.