OK, we're smart folks, we can figure this out.  We'll put a frozen turkey in a cooler full of ice, drive for two days, the ice slowly melts, the turkey thaws, preheat oven, all set to go.  What?  A winter storm came through last night?  It's 32 degrees outside?  Isn't that freezing? The turkey says yes, that is indeed freezing, which is why he's now the sole ice cube needed for the world's largest turkey martini.  (I also have a picture of the turkey taking a hot shower, but I thought that could be considered poultry porn and after seeing what those birds did in Alfred Hitchcock's movie, I decided it wasn't worth the risk.)

I don't want to say I'm an underachiever, but I'm starting to get a feeling of accomplishment when the dog poops twice when I walk her around the block.