A Taste is Safe Enough

Pepto-Bismol is a wonderful product.  I took it as a kid, I still take it today.  Literally, I just took it today, but a childproof cap?  Seriously?  You could mix Pepto-Bismol with the nectar of the Gods, and it would still taste like somebody melted down a crayon, stirred it up with piece of chalk and then washed their socks in it.  And the new cherry formula?  Yeah, nice try.  And yet, the childproof cap.  In the history of mankind, has anyone ever caught their precocious  little child off in a corner doing shots of Pepto?  You could tell Charles Manson it was liquid acid, excuse me, new cherry formula liquid acid, and he still wouldn't be able to choke down a second helping of this stuff.  Dear Pepto, you make a great product.  Childproof cap?  Sooooo not necessary.

My Ass Cannot Win

Many times in my life, many more than I can remember, I have been called either a "dumbass" or a "smartass." I don't recall a single instance in which the specific salutation was issued fondly or as a term of endearment.   I make no argument that any of the labels were misapplied at the time, but I would like to point out that logic, or at the very least, semantics, would seem to dictate that one of these be complimentary in nature.  If you disdainfully call me a "dumbass," aren't you hoping I'd be a "smartass"?  And if my being a "smartass" offends you so, shouldn't my being a "dumbass" come as some type of relief to you?  My ass is confused.  Should it drop out or apply to grad school?  If you are perhaps feeling guilty because you have previously classified my ass as either "dumb" or "smart," rest easy, for my ass assures me that all if forgiven with a simple kiss.

It's Saturday? Must Be Time to Take a Bath

After much consideration and deep thought, the Healds have decided not to enter either the rowing or kayaking events in the upcoming Olympics and will instead focus their efforts on walking and chewing gum simultaneously.

This Must Be Our Stop

This is the sign of a quality river guide...the whole Heald family going through the rinse cycle while he sits high and dry.  A zoom lens would probably show a grin beneath that helmet.  Those are Riley's feet attempting to walk on air.  Mrs. Heald is completely submerged and Riley's twin brother Keegan is taking soil samples from the bottom of the river. Those are my feet just touching the raft and that's Tyler saving his paddle, but not much else, in the back.  Believe it or not, this was the best rafting trip we've ever been on.  I know it doesn't look like it here, but it was.