Really?

I'm on the Internet the other day, scanning the headlines on AOL or Yahoo, when I see something to the effect of "You won't believe what Paula Deen was eating!"  Sometimes it's so hard to be a proud American.  Is this where we're at right now?  From the day my momma's egg was fertilized until the day they close the casket, I will never give a damn about what somebody was eating.  Yes, there are exceptions (see "Dahmer, Jeffrey) but this ain't one of 'em.  If Paula Deen wants to off herself one stick of butter at a time, it's her right...and her business.  The world will not implode if we allow a "slow news day" to be a "no news day."  For God's sake, let the woman eat her hamburger in peace, or the next time you bite into something hard, it might be a web cam.

Fat? I Say We Are Not Fat Enough!

I just read today that "Hostess," the company that makes "Twinkies," is near bankruptcy.  Fighting off immediate and crushing depression, I promptly blew through a box and a half of comfort food, which just so happened to be "Twinkies."  All I ever read about is how fat America has become, but clearly, we are not fat enough if "Twinkies" are in danger.  You'd think they have some type of protection in the constitution, but I can't find anything.  The foundation of the country is at stake here, folks. What good is the right to bear arms if you can't wolf down a couple of Twinkies during a break in the action?  And you can forget the pursuit of happiness.  If there ain't no "Twinkies," there ain't no use pursuing happiness 'cause you ain't gonna find it. Get off the treadmill, people, and pursue your skinny asses on down to 7-11 before it's too late!