About Me

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Naples, Florida
I like to laugh. If you don't, please hit whatever button escorts you from the premises immediately. I write a humor column for the Naples Daily News called, get this, "Life is Heald." It's about life as we all see it, just from a pair of rose-colored glasses that need cleaning. I tell stories, I rant about things that drive us all to the point of filling out a gun permit, I make fun of you and I make fun of me. If I can't use it in the column for whatever reason, it ends up here. Sometimes, you'll need to read the column to know what I'm writing about, but often the posts are just random, drive-by thoughts that entered my brain and exited my fingers. Just a flesh wound, so don't go dialing 911 about anything you read here. This is not one of those blogs that will tell you how many prunes it took to jump start my last bowel movement or what grade the kid got on his math test. The good stuff, I save for the Christmas newsletter.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Starting My Day With Your Cup of Coffee

      I saw where a friend of mine posted on Facebook the other day the explicit and infinitesimal details of his morning bowel movement. It was graphic, so much so that the Motion Picture Association would never have allowed it anywhere near a theater screen.  He has a gift. If the written word is capable of making making an experience 4-D to the reader, this would be your guy.
       Repulsive? Yeah, I'd say so. Did I really need to know his bout with constipation ended with him birthing a grain silo? Not now, not ever. But tell me this.
       Was it more interesting than knowing you and your morning coffee were there to greet another day? Without a doubt. Would I rather have him tell me that he feared the Green movement would be protesting at his house, such was the raping of the rain forest in order for his paperwork to be complete, or have you reassure me, yet again, that you still hate Mondays?
       In closing, I admit I'm still fond, at nearly fifty years old, of having my teenage boys tell me "goodnight" before they turn in for the evening. You? Not so much.
      Oh, I almost forgot. It's hump day.

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