On a cold night, I always find myself rotating in the same two-foot wide rut in my bed in order to make use of the body heat I have worked so hard to capture in that spot. Unwise wandering from the anatomically-heated rut inevitably comes with a cold wake-up call from those parts of the sheets left to fend for themselves. This always reminds me of the hot dogs in the convenience stores that spend their lives rotating in similar warmth on the cooking carousel of death. But hey, at least they're warm.
About Me
- Life is Heald
- Naples, Florida
- I like to laugh. If you don't, please hit whatever button escorts you from the premises immediately. I write a humor column for the Naples Daily News called, get this, "Life is Heald." It's about life as we all see it, just from a pair of rose-colored glasses that need cleaning. I tell stories, I rant about things that drive us all to the point of filling out a gun permit, I make fun of you and I make fun of me. If I can't use it in the column for whatever reason, it ends up here. Sometimes, you'll need to read the column to know what I'm writing about, but often the posts are just random, drive-by thoughts that entered my brain and exited my fingers. Just a flesh wound, so don't go dialing 911 about anything you read here. This is not one of those blogs that will tell you how many prunes it took to jump start my last bowel movement or what grade the kid got on his math test. The good stuff, I save for the Christmas newsletter.
You are so hilarious! I read your Christmas newsletter while visiting my sister in Naples last month and LMAO! Your sense of humor is like a modern Garrison Kiellor-thanks for all the smiles, chuckles and BWAHAHAHAS!
ReplyDeletejchrisfay@gmail.com