About Me

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Naples, Florida
I like to laugh. If you don't, please hit whatever button escorts you from the premises immediately. I write a humor column for the Naples Daily News called, get this, "Life is Heald." It's about life as we all see it, just from a pair of rose-colored glasses that need cleaning. I tell stories, I rant about things that drive us all to the point of filling out a gun permit, I make fun of you and I make fun of me. If I can't use it in the column for whatever reason, it ends up here. Sometimes, you'll need to read the column to know what I'm writing about, but often the posts are just random, drive-by thoughts that entered my brain and exited my fingers. Just a flesh wound, so don't go dialing 911 about anything you read here. This is not one of those blogs that will tell you how many prunes it took to jump start my last bowel movement or what grade the kid got on his math test. The good stuff, I save for the Christmas newsletter.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Old, But Not Yet Stupid

The thing about having kids is you have to wait to have them so that when they beat you in sports, you can use old age as an excuse.  If you have one when you're 20, he might be kicking your butt and you're only 35.  You can't hardly claim to be an old man at that age.  The other day, my sixteen-year old smokes me in basketball and starts crowing.  I told him "Big deal, I'm almost fifty, you beat an old man."  He says "Brett Favre's an old man, what about him?"  I say, "Really, Brett Favre, that's where you want to go with this?"  He says, "Yeah, sure, why not?"  Couple days later, he asked if he could borrow the car.  I told him yes.  Then I told him no.  Then I said I needed to think about it.  I told him to come back in July and I'd have a definite answer for him.  Kids mature quicker physically than mentally.  I still have some time left.

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