...to beome a chigger. Chiggers are nasty insects. If Rasputin or Judas were an insect, they would both be chiggers. We were just up in Georgia for a vacation. They have chiggers in Georgia. Now I have them in my crotch. I am not alone.
Chiggers don't fight fair. I mean, we have mosquitoes down here, but they're slow and you can see them. I don't know what a chigger looks like. They don't even have the decency to be big enough to see them. When a mosquito bites you, that generally is last call for the mosquito because even the most feeble amongst us has the accuracy of a sniper when it comes to slapping a mosquito that just tried to make off with a quart of our finest sangria. A chigger bites you, but it starts to burn and itch the next day and stops when you have scratched down to your bone marrow or amputated the body part with a steak knife.
I'm not done. Chiggers like thinner, delicate skin. Do I have to tell you where most of us keep our supply of thinner, delicate skin? I don't have to tell the chiggers. Three of us got bit on our bell towers. This is not an item to which one can aggressively attack with a fingernail. It's a lose/lose situation. Jock itch is a toothless gnat compared to a chigger bite. The wife was not immune. That's all I can say about that. She is looking over my shoulder with a gun. The safety is off.
There are no remedies for chigger itches. Old wives tales do not do anything other than spike fingernail polish sales and make mountain people look at you funny. When you are staying in the same neck of the woods that "Deliverance" was filmed in, this is not a good thing.
"The Devil Went Down to Georgia" was a great hit for the Charlie Daniels Band. I just wish he would have told us the real reason.
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